If you have a child there will be times you have Mommy Burnout. The simple fact is that being a mom in today’s world whether you’re a stay at home mom, or a working mom there are many responsibilities placed on our shoulders that our husbands even while working are not put through.
Dr. Sears says, “Mommy burnout happens when a mother has been out of balance for too long. With so much energy draining out of her, she reaches a point where she feels she has nothing left to give. Yet baby continues to need mom, and mom needs to go on coping. Moms can become unhappy, angry, and most of all tired. This can often lead to questioning mom’s ability to care for baby and blaming herself for not enjoying motherhood.”
The top reason for Mommy Burnout is outside pressure to be a perfect mom who can do any and everything all the while not having enough support. As women we are constantly trying to do and be everything for our families without any regard for our physical, emotional and spiritual health.
Physically you can find your self exhausted and sickly all the time because your taking everyone to doctors appointments, giving them vitamins, water a good diet and enough sleep. Unfortunately more often than not you’re working on 3-5hours of sleep, haven’t been for a check-up in more than a year, all the while living on coffee and cereal bars.
Emotionally you begin to feel alone and isolated because you don’t have time to cultivate relationships, or take a break for yourself while you’re running everyone around to school, play dates, grandparents etc.
Spiritually the quality and consistency of your Salah (Prayers) and duas (Supplications) suffer because you’re rushing to get your religious obligations taken care of so you can get back to caring for your household.
In the long run all aspects of your life will suffer if you don’t make some much needed changes. Most people think that the best way to get rid of or reduce mommy burn out is to take some time to recharge. In my opinion the best way to reduce the mommy burn out is to ask for help and to ask for help regularly.
Everyone needs help even mothers, this help can come in the form of your spouse, family friends or if none of these are viable options for you should hire a mommies helper a couple of times a week or month to relieve some of the pressure from your schedule. This will help more than date nights or ladies nights. The key is to find long-term solutions, which includes setting realistic expectations. You cannot get three peoples work done all by yourself regardless of what the aunties at the masjid or your husband says. No one can live a happy and fulfilled life while constantly being exhausted and stressed out.
How can you make a change in your life that’s sustainable?
- Get help: find someone to help you with your most time consuming work. If that means that you hire a maid to come clean the house once or twice month, or a food delivery service that’s still both cheaper than hiring a therapist when you have a mental breakdown.
- Support System: its time for a meeting with your spouse, working outside of the house doesn’t mean that all the household obligations fall solely on the wife’s shoulders. Allah’s prophet use to help his family. Not only help them but he was a hands on father, no one loved their father as much as Fatima (ra) loved The messenger (saw). Gently remind him that
“The best among you are those who behave best toward their wives. I am the best among you toward his wives. The best among you is the one who is the kindest to his wife and the worst among you is the one who treats his wife badly.”
- Remember why you’re doing it: every single act of worship we do is done for the Sake of God. Taking care of our family and home is also a act of worship when done with the right intention. So keep your eye on the prize and remember that you will be rewarded for all your hardwork.
- The Power of Dhikr: When Fatimah (ra) started having a hard time with her housework the Prophet (saw) taught her to say SubhanaAllah thirty-three times, Alhamdulilah thirty-three times and Allahu Akbar thirty-four times. This takes just a few minutes but makes a huge impact on reducing your stress.
فان مع العسر يسرا
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.